kb's epic story.: life ain't so bad if you live it off the wall.

Holler!

I'm SO excited. I know, I sound like a broken record, but I'm SO excited! Sadly I don't know that Janielle will be joining us anymore, but I'll see her in August if such is the case.

So you know how I was saying that visible belly fat is just completely unacceptable? You know what's even more unacceptable? Visible belly fat on men. Like okay, I grew up in Maine where EVERYONE tucked their shirt in. Tall, short, fat, skinny; it didn't matter. Now I know why they did that. It's not because they wanted to look neat or to prevent their shirt from being caught on a chainsaw; it's to prevent male midriff from showing. On the bus today I was sitting down and this fat man was standing near me; he didn't tuck his button-up in and I could see his belly fat and skin hanging from underneath. Not pleasant.

Also, ladies and gentlemen especially, clean your fingernails. No one likes crustiness. I don't care if you plant flowers all day long, change the oil in cars, or bake pastries; clean your fingernails. I saw THE most disgusting set in my life today on the train and I wanted to throw up.

It's really funny to watch people who miss the train by a few inches. They throw their hands up in the air, stomp their feet on the grown, moan or sign loudly; it all makes me laugh. I always get to Davis Square as the train I don't need to catch is pulling away, but I always try to make it onto the staircase just in time so I can watch people miss it. I know, I know, karma's a bitch.

So I found the best new people watching spot ever at South Station today. Above the food court is this mezzanine level where you can oversee everyone ordering food. I was right above the McDonald's station and it was so funny to watch people try and decide what to order. Like seriously, it's McDonald's. Speaking of McD's, a man called 911 this weekend after McDonald's workers overcharged him for his meal. Impressive, America.

After spending some time today reading about the DC Metro crash, I was absolutely paranoid this afternoon while riding on the train. Everything seemed off; sometimes we were going really slow, we seemed to hit a lot of bumps, the brakes seemed to be hit just a bit too hard. Coincidently?? I also ride the Red Line, the same train that crashed just a few weeks ago. Pray for me.

I'm thinking that I'm going to use one of my paychecks this summer to invest in a handy pair of spy camera glasses. Like a legit pair. There are so many things I want to take pictures of on the T and bus, but I clearly can't just whip out my Blackberry and start snapping away. Also, they would be super handy at parties and when going out. Seriously considering it.

TIME has been putting together the coolest Michael Jackson tribute stuff. My favorite piece is "Appreciating Michael Jackson, the Musician" montage, but there is a ton of really good stuff. Check it out. Also, yes, there are a lot of other terrible things happening in the world right now, but relax about people paying tribute to a pop icon. It's not your business. And in terms of people being whiny about MJ's weird last decade, one of my Facebook friends put it best today:

"AH I'm deleting every FB friend who writes something stupid about Michael Jackson and little boys. You weren't there in effing Neverland you didn't see anything, SHUT UP and let his fans remember him for what he really was you close minded morons. EFF."

Had to get that out. Thanks. And if you don't agree, you're entitled to your opinion. This is KB's Epic Story, though, after all.

So I feel really bad when I can't tell the difference between boys and girls. Like I know it's not my fault, but I still feel awful when I can't tell. And do you think that ugly people were always ugly, or if they had a time when they were beautiful, too? I know, clearly I did a lot of judging today, but I have a lot of thoughts.

I'm pretty sure I saw a hobbit today. She was dressed in brown and cool all over.

Every time that I've gone running lately, I've been struck by these wicked awful intestinal cramps like a mile in. They are so painful that I can barely move. I got hit by a case tonight, and I hate hate hate to stop and walk, but I had to. Then I felt awkward because there was this girl who saw me stop running and start walking so then I realized that intestinal cramps weren't an outwardly obvious reason for stopping running, so I started walking like I had hurt my ankle to prevent myself from looking like too big of a wimp. That was a decision that ended up having serious and truly terrible consequences on my quad, which just sucks. Love my life.

One of my new favorite YouTube videos: